(“Is there a problem?”)
Owing to my absence last week I fear some of you may be growing complacent, and by way of obviating this let’s get right into the quiz. As always, study the question, think, and click on your answer. If you’re right you’ll know, and if you’re wrong you’ll see how fat bikes have gotten so mainstream they’re now serving as foils in car commercials.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride safely!
–Wildcat Rock Machine
1) What is the “Bogarde?”
—A new analog power meter
—A new carbon fiber chainguard from SRAM for the new generation of 1x drivetrains
—The act of monopolizing a marijuana cigarette
—A designer adult BMX
(Beware the Giant Alpecin)
2) What is Alpecin?
—A new doping product
—A new hydraulic shifting group
—A horrifying creature of myth
—A caffeinated shampoo for balding German men
3) Why is David Millar smiling?
—He’s wearing spiffy shoes and gloves
—His buttocks are langidly jiggling as he glides preternaturally atop the cobbles
—He is savoring the pleasure of being pounded in the perineum with a precision-crafted state-of-the-art rubber-and-crabon ass mallet
—All of the above
4) Devon is sooo not into bike touring.
5) The new Trek Domane features:
—A flexible head tube
—A detachable bottom bracket shell
—A dropper post
—An electronic tire pressure monitoring system
6) When you hit Fred “Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!” speed while using the Omata One analog bike computer, a cuckoo leaps out.
7) In the latest of a seemingly endless series of PR gaffes, Specialized:
—Sued the unincorporated community of Roubaix, South Dakota for trademark infringement
—Hired Femke Van den Driessche to promote their new limited-edition Playboy ebike
—Posted advertisements on the wreckage of a bike shop that was severely damaged in a gas explosion
—Said Trek’s new Domane was “retarded”
***Special Smugness-Themed Bonus Video!***
If Britain is 200 years behind then we must be 500 years behind and Australia must be stuck in the Bronze Age.