Because I deserve it:
It’s chilling to think that in many households during that era the only thing preventing murder-suicide was a bar of soap.
Anyway, in keeping with my current ethos I once again rode a cheap bike while wearing street clothes, only this time instead of the Surly travel bike I opted for Ol’ Piney:
And instead of yesterday’s relatively docile terrain I headed for the forbidding Trails Behind The Mall:
Thus affording myself the opportunity to marvel at typical examples of suburban car-centric “couldn’t-give-a-fuckedness” like this one:
You’ve got to appreciate the fact that when deciding where to place this sign someone most likely said, “Just put it on the sidewalk where it won’t be in anyone’s way.”
And yes, people do actually walk on this sidewalk. I know because I ride on it–and yes, I have no problem riding on the sidewalk in the suburbs when I deem it necessary, as it is on this particular stretch of road, which is for all intents and purposes unrideable.
In any event it was good to be back on the portly bike, which I hadn’t ridden since the last snowstorm:
When I took my life in my hands in using tires that were only rated for “summer fatbiking:”
And while it’s still not summer they were much better suited to the current conditions:
Speaking of living life on the edge, do you know the Marin Pine Mountain 1 would be illegal in Australia? Yes, that’s right, apparently bars wider than 700mm and and single-ring drivetrains do not meet Australian safety standards:
In an email to BikeRadar, Darren Rutherford the General Manager of Giant Bicycles Australia explained, “In Australia, the mandatory standard for pedal bicycles requires that certain types of bikes must not have handlebars that exceed a particular width (namely 700mm).”
However, bicycles intended for “competition” are excluded:
“Bicycles which are designed, promoted, and supplied primarily for use in competition are excluded from this standard, and the bicycles that Giant have recalled appear not to fit under that exclusion,” Bourke said.
Though obviously the bike industry and media would not consider the Pine Mountain a competition bicycle because it’s not expensive enough and there’s no crabon.
Oh, and the single-ring drivetrain isn’t kosher because in Australia front derailleurs count as chainguards for some reason:
“The other aspect of the recall relates proliferation of 1x drivetrains,” he continued. “Previously the front derailleur was technically considered ‘chain protection’ and with 1x it’s no longer there.”
So I think it’s safe to say that if I took the Pine Mountain to Australia and rode it helmetless I’d be executed.
Incredibly despite my unsafe equipment I survived, but as I was heading home on the bike path I encountered this ominously-placed “Hazmat/Spill Response” vehicle:
And through the trees I could just make out a cleanup crew at work in Tibbetts Brook:
Presumably Team Trump is wasting no time in contaminating those waterways.
Tibbetts Brook, in case you’re wondering, which you almost certainly weren’t, flows in to Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx where it creates Van Cortlandt Lake as a result of having been dammed by Old Man Van Cortlandt some centuries ago:
Then from there it heads underground into the sewer system, flowing under Tibbett Avenue:
And eventually winds up in the Harlem River.
So there you go.
After my thrilling brush with contamination I officially escaped the suburbs and attained the safety of Van Cortlandt Park and New York City:
There are barriers to keep the ATV-riding riff-raff out:
But the riff-raff just go around them:
And so it goes.
You may now begin your weekend.
Tell your boss I said it was OK.
–Wildcat Rock Machine