I may need to Kickstart myself some dignity.


Further to yesterday’s post on the subject of the Brompton World Championships, if you’re the one (1) person who wanted actual details about the actual race, I’m pleased to report that I’ve received a press release from Brompton which includes photos of the starting lineup:

The pointy end of the race, which I was nowhere near, hence my lack of a blow-by-blow account:

The finishing sprint:

The women’s podium:

And the names of the victors in both the men’s:

With a number of previous Brompton World Championship USA winners participating in the event, it was always going to be an exciting race. The battle for the finish line was intense, with 2015 USA Brompton Champion, Dave Mackay, and Victor Gras, a talented New York cyclist who placed second in the recent Grand Fondo New York, going head-to-head in a sprint finish. Dave took the win with a late surge of power, gaining just over a bike length by the line.

And women’s categories:

New contender, Kristin Negele, took the women’s title and the 2011 USA women’s champion, Julie Secor, came third. The female and male champions both win flights to the UK and entry to participate in the Brompton World Championship final in London. The team event, sponsored by Brooks England, was convincingly won by the Prospect Park Pelicans, with the Philadelphia Fliers coming second and the Brompton NYC team coming in third.

So there you go.

I knew if I didn’t do my job Brompton would eventually do it for me.

Oh, and one amateur photographer was kind enough to forward along some action shots of your’s truley.  Notice my face is extremely flushed from the heat:

Fortunately when the man with the ices cart came by moments before the start I joined my kids in yelling “PLEEEASE!!!” until my wife finally bought us all some, and if it wasn’t for that pre-race cup of frosty rainbow goodness I’d almost certainly have left in an ambulance.

Also, while on the surface the Brompton race would appear to be something of a novelty, it was in many ways like any of the more “serious” races in which I’ve participated over the years.  For example, like any Fred, after a race I’d always spend lots of time scouring the Internet for pictures of myself only to be deeply embarrassed by the results.  Sure, I may have felt cool at the time, but the photos invariably reveal that I was more schmo than pro.  Similarly, in this case, while everyone else looked dapper and composed:

I looked like a total schlub:

Not only am I about to lose my shorts:

But I’m also perspiring profusely in my tramp stamp area:

And speaking of tattoos, yes, I do realize I have one on my leg, and yes, I also realize it looks like one you’d find on the sorts of people who wear jorts to the water park.

It is what it is.

But don’t feel bad for me, feel bad for Brompton, because that sound you hear is a bunch of people folding theirs up and consigning them to the closet forever after seeing those photos.

On the plus side, I may be able to get a lucrative automotive endorsement deal after all of this:

In other news, here’s one of the most grandiose Kickstarter videos I’ve ever seen, and it’s for…a helmet mirror:

Mind you, I have nothing against helmet mirrors.  In fact, given what’s been going on here in New York recently I’d say they’re probably a hell of a lot more important than helmets:

Though perhaps not quite as important as brakes:

But that’s another discussion.

I do confess I’ve never actually used a helmet mirror while cycling, probably because I suffer from the distorted sense of aesthetics that caused me to get a leg tattoo all those years back, but a shatter- and vibration-proof rear-view mirror that clips to pretty much anything seems like a good idea to me.

However, I’ll defer to people who actually use them as to whether or not this is the case.  (But please don’t then go on about your damn recumbent–though feel free to weigh in on whether or not a recumbent-specific mirror that attaches to a beard is a good idea.)

And in other Kickstarting news, here’s someone who thinks triathletes can Go Fit Themselves:

Here’s his motivation:

“Every day I’m contacted by triathletes from around the world who simply want to get comfortable on their bike.”

Silly triathletes.  How can you ever be truly comfortable on this?

That’s like a folding bike rider consulting an expert on how to look dignified.

It just ain’t gonna happen.

But this particular bike fitter is also a prop comic:

“…she’d been assured by somebody that these aerobars were going to meet her needs.  Quite frankly…”

[Pushes red button]

BZZZZZ: That was bullshit!

Wow.  He should totally Kickstart an aerobar attachment for that button.

Of course, triathlon equipment arguably lends itself just as well to prop comedy as a novelty buzzer:

And while I’m not particularly moved by this project I would totally fund a triathlete intervention video series that consisted entirely of scenes like this:

And yes, I realize full well the irony of my making fun of triathletes:

Hey, I shattered my glass house years ago.  At this point what do I have left to lose?