The Lap of Luxury


Today’s post will be brief as I’m preparing for a short trip out of town.  I’m not telling where I’m going, but let’s just say it’s a city in Oregon that’s the subject of a comedy show starring Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein:

So why am I going to Portland?  (Aw, shit, I just gave it away.)  Well I’d love to say I’m going out there for a lovely relaxing weekend of getting my beard oiled and having stars tattooed on my person, but the reason for my visit is STRICTLY BUSINESS and I’ll be working on a piece of ostensible journalism.  Still, Portland really wants me to get a tattoo though:

Jesus, Portland, I’m just trying to book a goddamn hotel!

At this point in my life I sometimes catch myself feeling inadequate: no Nobel Prize yet, I’m still flying commercial, and I’m no closer to owning that second home in St. Barts.  However, every so often I realize I’ve got it made, because I’ve got ready access to one luxury of which most cyclists in New York City can merely dream.

That’s right, I’ve got a hose:

And what’s even more decadent than having a hose?  Having a hose and barely washing your bikes anyway because you’re a lazy dirtbag.

Oh yeah, I’m living the life.

Finally, a new contender has emerged for dorkiest commentator ever, and it’s this person who’s obsessed with tires:

Unknown said…


Actually Tan, the Paesella is a pretty shitty tire. Kind of surprising coming from a self-proclaimed princess who claims to “feel” 2cm in wheelbase, yet can’t tell the difference from a casing that is like iron versus something that doesn’t suck.


But keep up yer blather. You amuse me. Like a clown.


August 14, 2018 at 9:12 PM

Jeez, these Jan Heine disciples are really touchy.  Sure, 2cm of wheelbase is meaningless, yet one Panaracer tire sucks whereas a differently-branded Panaracer tire is the be-all end-all of cycling bliss.

Makes sense to me.

By the way, if you don’t think 2cm is a lot, here’s a test: move any part of your bicycle 2cm from where it is now and tell me if if makes a noticeable difference.

I bet it does.